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Cadet Feedback, Mentoring, and Counseling Form

San Nicolas Island Naval Base

  • Name Daart
  • Rank C/PO2
  • Unit GK Delta
  • Date 1/7/50
  • Merits 7 Demerits 1
  • Military Probation No
  • Supervisor Lt. El Ray, USN

Supervisor Comments and Plan of Action:

A physical altercation between c/PO2 Daart and Ens. Albert VII, USN, which necessitated corrective action.

He walks into my office from the GK Delta bullpen and immediately starts off saying, “It was Albert VII’s fault!” before I even tell him why I’ve called him in.

“Sit down, Cadet,” I interrupt. “Just start by telling me how this started.”

“Well, you saw the video, right?” he says.

Daart’s referring to a video Albert VII took. In the footage, Albert VII snickers holding back his laughter as he secretly records Daart. Daart disconnects his Iron Stomach action figure from a laptop and presses a button. As he does, a recording of Albert VII saying “Agent Alert! Agent Alert! Daart is a dork!” followed by a loud fart sound repeats over and over. The recording emits not only from the action figure but from every nearby device that has any sort of radio frequency receiver. 

Albert VII’s howling laughter is interrupted by Daart turning from his laptop to smack the cameraman. 

“Murrr’d you moo mat mor?” Albert VII says as the video recording ends. (Daart’s skin slime had temporarily paralyzed Albert’s lips.)

“I saw the video,” I tell Daart.

“Well, what you didn’t see,” Daart says “was that it was a huge elaborate prank Albert VII played on me! A few days back, Albert VII tells me there’s this cool new firmware upgrade to my 1:12 Scale Iron Stomach action figure. He’s always so full of it. I don’t really listen. He tells me about it again. I get suspicious, because, well, like I said, it’s Albert VII, but he even shows me the website for it. 

“The new specs looked rad! All the new catch phrases from the Annual Double-Digest issue, interaction with other Arbitration League members, and upgraded programming so it can do the Butterfly Crunch Maneuver.

“But it was all a lie! Albert VII went to the trouble to reroute all traffic to the toy manufacturer’s website to his own. He created a real-looking webpage and convinced the eggheads who make our tech that we needed to modify my Iron Stomach for a mission.” 

It’s incredible to me how clever Albert VII is when he applies himself. Unfortunately, he only applies himself to making jokes. I digress. 

“The worst part is that he got me to play the joke for him! It’s the ultimate insult!” he says.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because it’s embarrassing! The whole base probably heard about how Albert VII made me the butt of one of his dumb jokes, and everyone thinks I’m an idiot!”

“People can’t really fault you for being tricked by what seemed so completely legit, right? Albert VII took advantage of your naivety, and everyone around here was a kid once. I’m sure they’ll cut you some slack—”

“That’s something else I’m sick of. Because I’m the youngest, everyone acts like what I feel and what I think is childish!”

“Don’t let pride be your downfall,” I say.

“What’d’ya mean? I thought pride was good.” 

“Be proud of your accomplishments, but remember you’re only human.” 

“I’m also frog though.”

“Right. I should’ve said ‘no one’s perfect.’ Even a frog-human. You’re not going to be an effective member of the team if you’re agonizing over every minor mistake you make. Part of growing up is figuring out for yourself what makes sense and what doesn’t. Some people never figure it out.”

“Uh, I don’t want to be one of those people… Albert’s fart jokes are getting stale. Got any tips on how I can avoid that?”

That is a tough question. My first reaction is to think about motives. “What were you thinking about when you decided to upgrade your toy— er— action figure?” I ask.

“I’unno. Just how cool it’d be, I guess,” Daart says.

I start to suggest maybe Albert VII used those good feelings as a way to lower Daart’s more logical defenses, but at just that moment, Cmd. Stone calls on the comms to summon the Deltas to Conference Room 3. Daart and I decide to pick up the topic later. 

Daart asks if he’s in trouble, and is relieved to hear that Albert VII doesn’t want to push the matter. I think Albert VII is embarrassed about it, too. People were snickering at his numb lips for the rest of the day. “Nebah wibb diss one down,” were his exact words.

    1. Cadet’s signature:
    2. Date:
    3. Supervisor
      El Ray
    4. Supervisor Signature

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